What It's Like To Almost Love You

The moon right now. I hope you're looking at it. I love the rain and the clouds. I love what we do when it's dark out. It's a shame the way you do your thing. I guess it's been sunny.

I'm looking at you. And my fingertips feel different on your skin. Your bite marks are on my clavicle. Your thumbprint on my eyelids. My cheeks. And the bottom of my lips. I'm branded. Leftover kisses in my hair. I want to wash it off. Just a little, maybe. Cause I want you to linger.

Lips quiver in anticipation. Don't let anyone tell you different. I bite mine to hide from you. You used to cast a shadow on my mouth with yours. A soft space, dimly lit up by our chemistry. Fireworks.

We should explore. Go on an adventure. Hold out your shirt sleeve and I'll leave a trail of broken glass and broken hearts. No one will follow us.

We can dive into the most shallow part of your soul. Because that's all there is. The laps of your waves are addicting. Deep breaths. Tiny little gasps.

I'm hooked. I want to swim in your thoughts, taste your passion, and feel your dreams. I want to paint you with kisses and smiles. Pour out my art into you. Hoping for depth.

But I don't. My heart is too big and your hands are too strong... I guess.

The Wrong Guy

I don’t want to fall in love with you.

I’ve been up for an hour. My head is on your chest; my lips are on your body. Your arms are wrapped around me, your face buried in my hair. For the moment, you are mine, and every inch of me wants us to stay like this forever. Entangled in each other; corners meeting, skin kissing. But I let go first. I raise my head and trace little swirls on your clavicle with my fingertips. I want you to wake up so I can leave you. I want to leave you. Your eyes open with a smile. You kiss me on the lips and hold me closer. You take a deep breath and close your eyes again. I wish I could stay with you. I kiss your earlobe, but pull away to the edge of the bed, willing myself to get up. You find my hand and interlock your fingers in between my fingers. I let you. And you fold your body into mine, breathing softly into my neck. Maybe I can stay with you a little longer. I close my eyes and let my thoughts go. I ignore all the reasons to why I can’t have you, why I shouldn’t want you, and why I’d never let you have me. It doesn’t take much effort to forget your flaws. Or mine. Not when we’re like this. Not when you’re like this.

But your breath hitches and it snaps me back to reality. I’m in bed with a man who isn’t mine to keep. I pull my hand away from yours, drawing it close to my chest; protecting myself. I know you can sense my restlessness. You kiss the top of my head twice and hold me tighter. You never open your eyes. I close my eyes too. I know I can’t stay. But I don’t want to go. Maybe I’ll leave you tomorrow. Maybe you’ll leave me tomorrow.

Tonight, I’m yours. But I can’t fall in love with you. 

These Roads Go On Forever

People grow tired of things that are effortlessly achieved.
But they also grow tired of trying.

Favours favour a response.
Withheld answers cause withdrawn intentions.
Knocking doors should be answered – locked or openned – never ignored.

Slender Threads and Things To Treasure

It had been 15 minutes since the movie started, when his hand met mine. His smooth fingers tracing the outline of my hand, lingering at my finger tips. He traced circles and squares and hearts on to my palm. We played this silent game until his fingers found the courage to interlock with mine. I looked up at him, his eyes were on the TV, but I could see a smile in the corner of his lips. Then, he slowly curved his free arm around my waist, securing me into his warmth. I shifted a little, finding the perfect niche between his arms and his chest. No one seemed to notice our change of position.

He let my hand go, and gently swept my hair off my shoulders, placing them behind my ears. He whispered, Are you comfortable? I smiled. He nodded, as he leaned his head closer. I could feel his inhales and exhales on my cheek.
He continued to whisper in my ear. I bit my lip, as his continued to get closer and closer. They moved from my ear, to my jaw, and then stopped. Neither of us were watching the movie anymore. He placed his hand on my face; his thumb stroked my cheek lightly. I looked up at him, as he inched closer. He smiled and slowly tilted my chin upwards.